Newbie Keegie

My grandparents weren’t thrilled about Der’s long hair and his earrings, but when they saw how good he was with Keegan he earned their seal of approval.

Keegan (7) with Aunt Carol’s tortoise “Dude”.

It took us 6 years to conceive Jeremia.  He was worth the wait.

Jeremia implores Daddy to share.

Our first family trip to Disneyland.  Jeremia wasn’t quite 2, Keegan was 9.

My all time favorite photo of me.

Oh my sweet dork of a husband! For a minute there we thought we’d have to call the fire department to get Der out of there.

Jeremia shows us the proper way to roll in a toy car.

And then came Benny.

About a year after this photo we moved to Tucson and shortly after our lives got flipped upside down.

Benny and Jeremia = inseparable.  It was 2 or 3 days after this photo was taken that we found out Benny had cancer.  And I had just found out I was pregnant with Conrad.

I love this photo.  You can see the love pouring off of us.  Conrad was born at a time when we desperately needed something to celebrate.  Maybe a week later Benny had his big stem cell/bone marrow transplant.

The fact that poison was being pumped into him and his body was full of rogue cells trying to do him in didn’t stop him from being a silly, sweet little boy.

Can you tell Jeremia and Benny are tired of getting their picture taken?  I double-heart this photo!

That was Benny’s most favorite shirt.  He would have worn it every single day, had we let him.

You can’t see, but I am VERY pregnant with Ami in this photo.  This was during our last hoorah trip with Benny.

Benny welcomes Ami to the world. So much love!

For 2 very short weeks Derek and I had all 5 of our boys with us.

Just as we welcomed a new son we had to part with another.

And then we were left to put the pieces back together.  If tears, love, or longing could save a life, Benny would still be here with us.  We are now, and will forever be, an incomplete puzzle.

I have very few photos between Benny’s death to about a year ago.  Not because I didn’t take a ton, but because I lost all of my computer files.  I am lucky that I had printed a few, but not enough, never enough.



Keegan and Ami snuggle.

The fact that it looks like the EB is getting ready to eat Ami’s head makes me laugh every time.

Me and Keeg

Me, Der, Conrad, Ami and Jeremia at our first time ostrich fishin’.

Thank you for taking this trip down memory lane with me.

When I thought of posting old photos, I hadn’t planned on being emotional about it, but there is no way to look back without revisiting great loss.  We drudged through hell, were helpless to change horrible injustices and came through it all stronger and with a greater appreciation of life.  The resilience of the human spirit is astounding.


Filed under Family

12 responses to “Family

  1. Joan Kellogg

    Well, duh, girlfriend. How can you not be emotional about it? I loved seeing these pics. Especially the Benny ones. I hadn’t seen the one of him upside down in bed…

    It is very amazing how your life unfolded, with all the boys, being pregnant when you found out Benny was sick, having Ami and then losing Benny, all of it. I know he is always a part of you every single day.

    Love you. It’s sunny here today and I hope you have sunshine too.

    Love Joan

    • It’s been windy and cold Joan, but that’s ok. We will soon have more sunshine than we know what to do with. I am glad you got to see a pic you hadn’t seen before, that’s always fun. Life is a very crazy thing! Love you doll!

  2. amanda

    thank you for sharing these wonderful pictures.

  3. Donna Hettlage

    Thank you for sharing your memories. I loved looking through these precious pictures!

  4. Oliwia

    Thank you so much for sharing your precious crumbles of happiness, they’re all beyond adorable and sweet 🙂

  5. Burr

    I cried through the whole post. I adore the photo of Benny and Jeremia hugging. It captures a small glimpse of their love and friendship. Love you.

    Boy, that Benny sure is cute.

    • Oh, my dear, Burr. I cried the whole time I wrote the post and then for some time after. Benny loved you madly, as do we. You have been a ray of light added to our family. And yes, that Benny sure is cute!

  6. Cami Reeves

    What a beautiful post. With tears running down my face…I want you to know how proud I am to be your sister. You are an amazing woman Amy!
    Thank you for sharing yourself and your family with us!!
    I love you!!!!

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