Monthly Archives: April 2012

The Familiar Road

I have been circling my rock trying to talk myself out of crawling under it.  Hiding beneath it is inevitable and my right, but I try to hold out as long as possible, because I hate being under it.  Part of me wants to sit under it and throw things at people, hating the world, telling everyone and everything to F*** off.  The other part of me tells myself that nobody likes a whiney baby and feeling sorry for myself is a waste of time.  Life keeps moving regardless of what I choose.  And absolutely nothing will change the fact that a piece of my heart is missing.  It has been ripped out leaving gnarly edges and a gaping hole.

The pain was once so jagged and raw, it could not be touched.  It flared and screamed in agony, helped by nothing.  It’s edges are now mostly smooth, having been worn down like a worry stone.  It’s so familiar, it’s almost a comfort.  I feel like it is as much a part of me as my own skin.  I guard it.  Hoard it.  It’s mine and you cannot have it…like anyone in their right mind would want it.

The next 2 months is a series of very significant days separated by about 2 weeks each and all leading up to my worst heartache.  First, my Birthday, then Mother’s Day, Benny’s Birthday, Ami’s Birthday and finally Benny‘s death.  The first 4 things should all be happy days and we will do our best to maintain that facade, but underneath is the ever knowing despair of what they are all leading up to and who is missing.  It’s a crazy emotional roller coaster  with lots of build up, anticlimactic moments and one really big melt down.  For the most part, I know what to expect and act accordingly.  I will try to keep myself super busy.  I will have days where I won’t even want to get out of bed.  I will try not to be too hard on myself.  I will fight the good fight and I will make it through.

**I forgot to add the ever important Father’s Day.  It lands smack dab in the middle of Ami’s B-day and Benny’s death.


Filed under Brain Stew

Keepin’ It Real

I saw this Pin on Pinterest and was inspired.

Looks like fun!

Click on pic to see original project.

That project consists of putting glue on a sheet of projector transparency, adding dye to it, then letting it run and dry.

Months ago I had added food coloring to different bottles of Elmer’s glue and had been waiting for the perfect project to use the pretty colored glue.  I saw the above pin just before our camping trip a few weeks back and thought it would be a great camping craft and a great way to use the colored glue.  The problem was that I knew it would take awhile to dry and drying art doesn’t travel well.  My solution was to sandwich the glue between two transparencies.  That way we could stack them for the drive home.

The boys each created their designs.

Jeremia added glitter to his.

We put a transparency over the top causing the glue to smoosh together.  It was really fun and cool to watch.

We made a bunch of them.

When we packed up to go home, they were still wet, but we had expected that.  I carefully stacked them for the trip home.

When we got home I punched holes in the corner of each sheet and hung them outside to finish drying.

Weeks later they are still wet and look kinda gross.

Now I feel like a dummy for thinking they would dry, since clearly the glue needs airflow to dry.

We still have tons of transparencies and glue so we will try this again without sandwiching the sheets.

I thought you’d like to see that not all of my ideas work out.




Filed under Entertain Me, Feeling Fartsy, Kids


Ami loves to rearrange the fridge magnets into pictures for me.  This one made me smile.  I hope it does you too.


Filed under So Random

A Walk With My Camera

When Der came home from work today, I seized the opportunity for a break.  I went for a walk.  Just me and my camera.  Here’s some of what I saw.

Wild daisies.

An ant-cano.

Bits of glass.

A lonely feather on the asphalt.

Palo verde tree blossoms.

A sea of yellow.

And when I came back from my walk decompressed, this is who I saw waiting for me.

It’s been a  few years since we’ve had a baby in the house.  She has been a pleasure and a joy, but one tends to forget how exhausting having a wee one around is.  I will soak her up while she’s here and rest when she goes back to her mama.


Filed under Natural Happenings, So Random

Making Sensory Bottles With Piper

We are so lucky to have a pint sized visitor at our house this week.  My cousin Stacey was nice enough to share her baby girl, Piper, with us.  We have been having tons of fun.  It’s a great chance for me to do crafts that are too young for the boys.

Today we made sensory bottles.

I have seen them around Pinterest and have wanted to make them, but mistakenly thought my boys were to old for it.  Ami has been trying to sneak them away from Piper since she made them.  I think we will be making more in the very near future.

Jeremia was nice enough to bring home 3 empty 8 oz water bottles, from school, for this project.  That size is perfect for small 2 year old hands. The rest of the stuff I had already.

We used pom poms, food coloring, glitter, water and oil, but the possibilities and options are endless.

Please excuse the bad flash photography.  I was juggling too many things and she moves too fast to take clear photos in the kitchen light.

Piper puts pom poms in one of the bottles.

Then she puts some glitter in another bottle.

Snack break.

The one on the left has pom poms, water and glitter, the middle one has water, blue food coloring, glitter and olive oil.  Next time I will use mineral or vegetable oil because they are cheaper, but the oil was an afterthought so I grabbed what was closest.

Leave a little bit of air in the top so everything moves around nicely, then super glue the lids on.  The first thing she tried to do was unscrew the lid so I was very glad I remembered to glue them.

5 minutes is all you need to make these and they provide hours of enjoyment.

Once they are full and glued, all that’s left is to SHAKE ‘EM.

So much fun and it costs next to nothing.


Filed under Entertain Me, Everything else, Feeling Fartsy, Kids, Making Memories, On The Cheap

Congratulations Burr And Andy

Last weekend Der and I were lucky enough to attend our dear friends Amber and Andy‘s wedding.  Everything about this wedding was gorgeous!  The bride, the groom, the food, the flowers, the people, the dancing were all amazing.  We had the most grown up fun we’ve had in a long time.

I snapped some shots on my iPhone to share with you all.

Here’s Der and I all dressed up with someplace to go.  Thanks Keegan for watching your brothers and for taking this photo.

This picture does not even come close to doing justice to Burr or her divine dress.

Photos were taken of Burr, Andy, Derek and I together, but not with my phone so I don’t have any to share….yet.

Amber said what these flowers are called, but I cannot remember.  They were so pretty and perfect.

I would like to draw your attention to the number of glasses.  There was more alcohol served with dinner than I usually drink in a decade.  Not included in this picture are the margaritas served at cocktail hour after the ceremony or the shot of tequila (yikes) I took  with Andy.  Needless to say I was pretty snockered by the end of the night.  I may or may not have still been a touch drunk the next morning.

The food!  Andy and Burr both have exquisite taste, also Andy is a chef so we knew the food would be “smack your mama” good.  We weren’t disappointed.

That right there is caviar served in the top of an eggshell.  The bottom of the shell is full of butter and hollandaise.   It was almost too beautiful to eat…almost.  I have had caviar before, but it was nothing like this.  This was a party in my mouth. Adding to the party was that giant shot of vodka.  I think it was pretty clear that Burr and Andy had every intention of spoiling us AND getting us drunk.

The second course was a divine salad that I inhaled before I remembered to take a picture.  What I can tell you is that is was beautiful and delicious.

We chose beef for our main course.  It was oxtail, cauliflower mousseline, crispy cauliflower crowned with asparagus tips and reduction sauce-as read off of the menu.  All I can say is that I died, went to heaven and came back for more, after the first bite, and it only got better.

And then came dessert, as if I had any room in my belly.

I don’t know what any of the four desserts was called, but they were fantastic.

On top of all that there was a gorgeous wedding cake that I was too stuffed to taste.  I think if I had attempted to eat another crumb, I would have burst right then and there, no lie.

It was a spectacular evening full of beauty, grace, poignancy, and love.  I am grateful for having such wonderful souls in our lives.  Thank you Burr and Andy for allowing us to share in such a special day.  We love you to the max!


Filed under Amazeballs, Celebrate, Everything else, Get In My Belly, Making Memories, With Gratitude

Popsicle Stick Bracelets

When I saw this pin on Pinterest for popsicle stick bracelets, I knew the boys and I had to try it.

First, I soaked them in my paper boiling pan overnight.  Once they were nice and pliable, I gently bent them into the smallest glasses I have.  There were plenty of fragile casualties as seen on the counter.

I let the wet sticks sit in their glasses for a whole day.

They are supposed to be cuff bracelets, but ours didn’t turn into cuffs.  Instead they were kind of half bracelets.  I think It was because the sticks I used were thinner and shorter than the ones from Pinterest.  The cuff bracelets would have been more successful with tongue depressors, I think.

Instead of starting the hole project over again, with different sticks, I improvised.

I dremeled holes in the ends of the sticks to lace embroidery floss through and the cuff problem was solved.

The boys colored them with sharpies.

I don’t know why Conrad and Jeremia look so unenthused.  I guess they just weren’t in smiling moods.

After they were all done coloring their sticks, I clear coated them with spray paint.  I did that because I’d gotten my prototype bracelet wet while wearing it and it started losing it’s curve.  The clear coat helps keep that from happening.

All in all it was a pretty simple and cute project.


Filed under Entertain Me, Everything else, Feeling Fartsy, Kids