Tag Archives: Benny

Neglect

It’s been soooo long since my last post, but rather than dwell on that, let’s look at some recent-ish photos!

Hummingbird eggs!  Right outside our front door!!!

Sadly, one didn’t hatch.  Happily, one did!

It’s really hard to get a good photo without disturbing the wee-one.

Check out the amazing craftsmanship on that nest!  I never knew hummingbirds use spider web to hold their nests in place.  I read that the web makes the nest have elasticity so it stretches as the baby grows!  Nature.Is.Amazing!

See it’s tiny little beak pointed straight up?

We spotted this big guy while hiking.  He was VERY handsome!

We have had SOOO many rainbows lately!  I see signs of Benny everywhere.

Jeremia found a heart nugget.  Then he tried to pout when his brothers wanted their pics taken too.

He couldn’t hold is sad face, and we all ended up laughing.  

Good times!

Some of the beauties we grew this summer.

 

This statue is made entirely of bike chain.  Conrad had a great time pretending it had him trapped.

My BFF!  I think he’s swell!

I love our adventures, big and small.

Why? Because, heads are cool!

This boot was out in the boonies. It made me smile.  I hope it does you too.

That concludes this episode of, whatever this was, thanks for tuning in.

Feeling ever-so-slightly less neglectful.

 

 

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Filed under Adventures, Amazeballs, Everything else, Family, Making Memories, Natural Happenings, Rodents aka kids, So Random

All Souls Procession 2012

I’ve wanted to participate in Tucson’s All Souls Procession for several years, but could never follow through, until this year.

If you don’t know what the All Souls Precession is click here for the history.  It was actually created by one of my drawing teachers in college, over 20 years ago.  It has grown with each passing year and is now HUGE, like-miles-long-HUGE!

It’s a wonderful way to honor those you love, who have gone on before you.

There is walking art EVERYWHERE!  Every float is human powered.  It was hard to get a lot of photos during the procession, but here are a few.

As I said this was our first year, and though I knew it would be amazing, I was a little intimidated and unsure of what to expect.

I found out one of  the great things about the procession is that you can move freely through it, if you want to step out and take a break you can, and then you jump right back in whenever you’re ready.  Because Ami’s legs get tired quickly these days (all that supersonic growing) we mostly watched.

I painted all of our faces.  I had no idea what I was doing.  I just kind of winged it.  Ami and Conrad were the hardest, because they’re twitchy and squiggly and move all over no matter how hard they try to hold still.

I like how they turned out, and judging by all of the people taking our photos at the procession, so did everyone else.

Driving in the car to the procession.  I pulled down the visor to check my makeup and a yellow butterfly fluttered out.

Derek and I both got teary eyed and I said “Hello Benny”.  It was such a beautiful moment and I will treasure it forever!  Thank you for staying with us always, Benny.  You are thought about and loved every single day!

We can’t wait to honor Benny next year with pink flying piggies.

The All Souls Procession was such an uplifting experience!  I am glad we finally made it there and we will be back every year from now on!!!  If you ever get the chance to go, don’t hesitate, just do it!  You’ll be glad you did.

 

 

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Filed under Amazeballs, Everything else, Family, Feeling Fartsy, Making Memories

Natures Gifts

Derek and I have taken to collecting beautiful bits of nature.  We call them gifts.  Gifts that have been put in our path for us to find and adore.  I like to think of them as little cherished messages from Benny.

Der has a knack for finding dead butterflies intact.  Recently, he brought me the most beautiful one of all.

The poor thing had been stuck to a grill on one of the rental cars at Der’s work.

Isn’t it beautiful!?!

Other gifts.

At first glance I thought it was a piece of poo, but no, it’s a GIANT empty cocoon.  Now that I know it’s not poo, I think it looks like something out of a scifi movie.

We found these feathers at the zoo, but I have no idea what birds they are from.

Polka dots are just cool!

Every time I see a butterfly I say “hi” to Benny.  Before he passed I told him he could send us messages with butterflies and rainbows, and so he does…and hearts too.

This is a piece of bark.  I found on the ground just waiting for me to see it.

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Filed under Amazeballs, Natural Happenings, Rodents aka kids

Benny

As you all know, I take a ton of photos, but you might be surprised at how few photos I have framed.  Less than 10.

3 of them are prized possessions.  They were given to me at Benny’s memorial service, by our friend, Kara, who used to nanny for the boys.  The photos she gave me were of shots she took, so I had no digital copy.  It never occurred to me, until recently, to scan them.

I finally did. 😀

This is either during, or shortly after Benny and Jeremia’s room was remodeled by Make A Wish.  JP and Benny to loved dress up in costumes, so Make A Wish ensured they would have no shortage of costumes to choose from.  The butterfly princess was one of Benny’s favorites.

This one is at the zoo during zoo lights and Benny is reaching up to touch the fake snow that’s falling.

And my very favorite.  I just want to squeeze his face and eat him all up.

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Filed under Family

6 Years

My friend Darci has once again surprised us with a priceless gift.  Today she emailed me 3 photos of Benny that she found buried in her computer files.  Gratitude isn’t a big enough word to describe what I feel towards her.  She holds a very special place in my heart and is just a good for the soul kind of person.

Benny was such a joy. There is a purple pony nestled in the green purse he’s holding as he catches a ride on his IV pole.

Here he was getting to pick toys out of a special cabinet that was created in memory of another little boy whose life was stolen by cancer.  Benny didn’t want a toy so he picked some out for Jeremia and Conrad.  He was such a sweet brother.

I love that face.  I want to take it in my hands and cover every inch of it with kisses.

I want to hold him and caress his head and whisper in his ear.  I used to sniff in his ear like a dog and make him laugh.  I also used to sit and rub my lips back and forth over the top of his head, when he was sitting in my lap.  I can still feel that feeling.

I want to stare into his big brown pools and hold his hand and hear his sweet voice.

Instead, I am left to endure the slow ache of insatiable longing.

Where Benny’s life should be happening there are just dates to be remembered and honored.

Yesterday marked 6 years since Benny’s departure.  It’s barely conceivable that he’s been gone longer than he was here.

He was robbed, we were robbed and there is not a damn thing we can do about it.

Cancer is an asshole!

It would be easy to get lost in my hatred for the disease that stole my beautiful boy from me, but I try instead to fight the hate and focus on all of the wonderful things that came from my greatest loss.  Most days it’s works, some days I just have to let myself feel what I need to feel.

Seeing new photos of Benny is bittersweet.  I love them and cherish them and wish I had a new one everyday, but it still hurts a little to look at them.

I want to say it’s a painful reminder of all that we’ve lost, but that would suggest that we’d forgotten, and we will never forget.

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Filed under Everything else, Family, Rodents aka kids, With Gratitude